Baby,
I promise I read as much as I could covering every topic of parenthood when I was pregnant with you. I talked to so many new moms and seasoned ones too. I got so much advice.
Some of the advice was super helpful but some of it was for the birds.
Then there was just some things that no one told me because only you could show me.
These are the some of the things no one could tell me before you came and some of the things that they were completely wrong about.
1. No one told me that I would turn into a completely new person.
I had no idea that you would completely change the way I thought about everything, looked at everything, and felt everything.
I think about everything now how it could affect you and what’s in your best interest always. I look at everything with new eyes because you brightened up my whole world. And don’t get me started on how I feel about everything. I. Feel. Everything. Whoa!
2. Everyone told me it was the hardest thing I’d ever do in my life. Not true. Not at all. Wanting you, wishing for you, and having to wait for you was much harder than anything that we could ever go through together. Enough said.
3. No one told me that even if I only had you with me for 3.5 months, I’d completely forget about what life was like before you. And be happy to leave it in the past.
I had fun before you. A lot of it. But it’s all a blur now. And nothing I’d ever want to go back to. I can hardly remember my life without you and don’t care to.
4. Everyone said I would want to kill my husband. I can never want to kill your daddy. Even if he doesn’t always have the same maternal instinct as I do, he gave me something that no one else in the world could. He gave me you. For that, my love grew stronger for him.
5. No one told me how horrible the sound of their baby screaming in tears would be. Not because it’s annoying (which it actually can be, I’m sorry to say that sweet little love) but because it makes me so upset that I’ve exhausted every option of what could be wrong with you & none of them were the fix. All I want is for you to be happy.
6. Everyone told me that I would look at my body and want to cry. Nope. I look at my body that’s far from perfect and I’m amazed and grateful that it allowed me to safely carry you and provide everything you needed.
7. No one told me that besides everything else on me that would grow, my heart would grow the biggest. The amount of love I didn’t even know existed is now inside my heart and full to the max. I heard it was a love like no other but no one can explain the magnitude.
8. Everyone said, “it’s ok if you don’t know what you’re doing. No one really does.”
Not true. I couldn’t tell someone else what to do for their children but I believe that they actually do know. I know what I’m doing with you because you are me. You are mine. You are my whole life. I somehow find a way to just know what to do for you some way or another and always will. It may be a mess at times but we will get through life finding a way. I have this thing called “mom gut” and it just came when you did. I follow that because who else could know what’s better for you than your mom?
9. No one told me that all the things I said I didn’t like, I would grow to love because of you.
I said I didn’t like the baby phase, I wasn’t going to be comfortable with an infant. Then, I held the little 6 lb 12oz of you and loved every inch of your infant snuggles. I said I would hate losing sleep, I never mind because it’s to care for you. I said I hated the smell of formula. Your formula smells really bad but I remember the first time I got home when you stayed over night with your grandma, and I sat there crying smelling your formula everywhere and missed you. I said I’d hate having to listen to baby music, but it stimulates your brain, you learn from it, and love it, so I do too.
10. Everyone told me the days are so long at home with a baby and I’d be so happy when you went to bed.
Nope. There’s not enough hours in the day to love, snuggle, play, stare at you and kiss you. And when you go to sleep, I can’t even look at you sometimes because I just want to pick you up and love up on you more. You make me look forward to tomorrow more than I ever before.
11. No one told me that I was the actual real deal super women. I’ve never been more confident, secure, happy, and proud of myself. I feel like the strongest, most powerful, intelligent, magical, super hero women in the world. I don’t know how I got through 3 months of morning (or all day) sickness & my body growing and changing (uncomfortably) for 9 months. I don’t know how the hell I got through L&D, and I’m unsure how I survived the first couple of months on hardly any sleep and after birth pain, but I did. I did it for you. You gave me strength and power I never had. It was all fueled by my love for you.
12. Everyone told me it’s a job.
No, it’s far from a job. It’s my PRIVILEGE. It’s my honor. It’s my pleasure.
I’m not discrediting that it can be hard work. But so is marriage. Why don’t they call that a job?
And then I hear the whole speech like, no days off, no pay check, blah blah. If it was a job, everyone would have a child because everyone has to have a job. I know plenty of couples that if it was like a job, filling out an application, they’d be hired. But it’s a blessing, on God’s timing.
Thank God it’s not a job because guess what, you also can’t fire me.
This is my life. YOU are my whole life.
There’s just things a book written by an expert couldn’t teach me. There’s things that no one else who’s done it before me could prepare me for. I had to learn from you.
I learned when I held you in my arms and got the honor of being your mom. It’s my biggest pleasure to give my whole life to you and strive to give you the happiest life I can. You’re my biggest dream come true, greatest achievement, and most wonderful delight.
I love you more than I’ll ever be able to put into words and I plan on loving you more every single day of our beautiful life together.
Love,
Mommy
