The topic of why I decided to blog comes up a lot in conversations. That means I think I’m the best mom ever. Right?
To be honest, I started my own blog with a little bit of hesitation and a lot of passion. My much more private husband wasn’t really down with me putting our personal life out for anyone in the world to read and even more concerned about our community reading. He didn’t want people judging me, talking about me or knowing private details of our lives. I respectfully told him, I could keep HIM out of it as much as possible but I was drawn to the idea of doing it, there was a fire within me that felt like I had to. Not because I’m a parenting expert but because this new role in my life was consuming my thoughts and interest. I stayed up until my eyes couldn’t take it reading about parenting, children psychology, products, feeding and everything else “mom life” from the day I found out I was pregnant.
I’ve always loved reading and I’m a big fan of reading blogs. I read mom blogs before I was even pregnant. I actually got some of the most useful help with infertility knowledge from moms with a computer and the need to help others. That shared knowledge saved me a lot of money and gave me even more hope.
Another time, three months after I had my son the topic of him needing a helmet came about. I learned other ways to fix this without going the route of a helmet, not from doctors but a blog!
I am humored by the mom blogs that have snarky “mom truths”. I take them as funny and with a grain of salt. I don’t really relate to them much though. By no means do I think these hilarious moms really hate being a mom but unfortunately, there’s a lot of mom blogs that are basically a bitch fest. Probably scaring anyone who doesn’t have kids into ever wanting them. Always writing things about how tired they are, how they can’t keep up with their household duties, their body is destroyed, they can’t pee alone, they haven’t shaved their legs in months, the thought of their spouse touching them is repulsive…so on and so on. You’ve heard it.
I started my blog because I wanted to share the good parts. The happy stuff. The stuff that is encouraging like, you still can sleep, there is time to stay tidy, you can still take care of yourself, have at least bathroom privacy and date your spouse. Some days it won’t be like that but let’s be real, some days it wasn’t like that pre children. That hard part of parenthood doesn’t have to be your focus, your pity party, or daily conversation when asked how you’re doing.
If I could get on a speaker and give a PSA to the whole world, I’d say life changes in the best way possible when having a family. Not every day in my world is perfect just like anyone else. But what makes my imperfect life better is the whirlwind blessing of being a mom. Maybe it was because of my four year struggle to parenthood that makes me believe that. Maybe I am a more relaxed person in chaos. Or I fell into it at the right time in my life. I could say those things. But really I think perception is everything and I choose my outlook and how I’ll focus my energy. My mission for my blog was solely to shed light on parenthood.
For the past six months of blogging, I’ve been dancing around what I actually want to write, the things I feel passionate about in parenthood because I’ve been fearful of the aftermath what others will think. Especially when it came to people who are in my “real life”. Do I sound too cocky? Do I seem like I think I’m the expert of parenting? Are they thinking, who is SHE to have a mom blog when she just had her first kid? She doesn’t even know what she’s in for.
After an educational conversation with a blogging guru, the lightbulb went on and I said, I’m not blogging to my full potential because of the small percentage of people who won’t like what I have to say. I’m taking away from the people who really identify with me and want to hear what I want to tell them.
Well, guess what? I’m not going to apologize, tip toe, or hold back what I have to say because I’m lookin’ to reach out to parents who enjoy, support, and encourage my journey. I’m not stupid. I know as a blogger, there are “secret admirers” or “hidden readers”. Those readers aren’t going to ever be ones who openly enjoy, support, or encourage it whether they’ve liked something they’ve read or not. The ones who will still read week after week even though I annoy them but they still keep coming back or are buying what I’m selling. They may talk about it with friends negatively or say how dumb I am. That’s ok boo, I’m not even mad. There’s this tribe of mommy’s and daddy’s who I’m talking to that say, go you! I relate to you! I saw a different view of parenting even though I already had three kids because I read it with fresh eyes when I read your blog. This is for you!
Sometimes my friends and family laugh at me and take bets how long this high will last. They doubt my confidence in parenting decisions I’ve made before I’ve even hit those issues.
You thought that about me, right?
BUUUUTTT…I’ll admit it and I’m sure you figured this out. I believe that I am the best mom, EVER! The perfect mommy, the real deal when it comes to mom-ing. I’m the world’s greatest mom.
To my son.
That’s right. I’m the best mom for him. Just like you, yes, you my beautiful parent friend who’s reading.
You are the best parent for your children.
I am the best mom ever for my baby because one thing that happens when you become a parent that we can all agree on. You will make every decision, every single day with the best intentions for your child, no matter what. It’s impossible not to. It doesn’t matter what your other mom friends do differently, if their husband are more hands on than yours is, or if their kid is a super freak of perfection. YOU were chosen to be your child’s parent on purpose. Because God knew that YOU were the best for his or her life on Earth. He knew that you would do what you felt was right to guide this child with unconditional love.
I know everything when it comes to parenting when it comes to my own child. The natural instinct came with my baby that grew inside of me is how I know this.
Besides instinct, I then categorize parenting decisions in three files of importance.
-My core values that just can’t be changed because I just believe in them that deeply.
-The goals for my hopes of the kind of parent I want to be, whether it was learned from someone else or trial in error in my own life. The things that aren’t really “me” but I’m working on them because I’m self aware enough to know it could be better than my bad habits.
-Last file, winging it. The things I haven’t really had a plan for, don’t really know how I’ll handle them til I’m there, and then I wing it but with my whole heart and gut.
So guess what Susan, there’s some things I say I WILL NEVER do when I’m a parent and depending which category the subject files under determines whether or not I’ll stick to it.
To my core, there’s parenting decisions that were predetermined for my son. They won’t be budged because they’re just what I truly stand by. He will not use adult electronics to his discretion, he will not be the boss of our family, and he will not get to get things every time we go somewhere.
Do I think I’m better than you because your kid has a cell phone and an iPad and every time I see them, they’re using it? No. If it’s not something that bothers you, if it’s a decision you and your spouse made for your family and it works, good for you guys.
Do I think you’re a moron because you tell your kid “five more minutes”, five times over, and your kid is basically telling you when you’ll leave? No because it doesn’t irk you. For me, it would irk the hell out of me. When I tell my son what we are doing, when we are doing it and how, that’s what it’s going to be.
If you love to gift your child the latest, greatest toys, expensive drinks at Starbucks, or take them on annual Disney trips, that’s all you. That’s your business. I just don’t believe in an over abundance of “wants” and “stuff”. He is NOT getting new toys every time we step in a store, he’ll experience the magic of Disney but it will be a special occasion. Mommy needs this Starbucks, you do not. Those are my thoughts on that.
I understand that like everything else, there’s times your “rules” bend because of situations. So do I think I’ll never make pointless purchases, over spoil my baby or eventually have in iPad I monitor time on? No. I don’t.
Your core rules may look completely different. It may be that you do not let your kid drink juice, eat McDonalds or jump on furniture. Maybe you don’t let your kid watch tv, play video games or listen to adult radio in the car. Whatever it is, parent with your own core valued rules unapologetically.
Then there’s these goals I have for parenting. Things that aren’t really “me” but I try really hard to be a better version of myself and learned by watching some other parents I admire.
A prime example for me right now is my granola-ish ways… I didn’t grow up eating home made baby food or with wooden toys. But that’s a decision I’ve made because I think I SHOULD do it because 1. I’m home and have the time to make his food, it saves money and it grosses me out that baby food has this totally long shelf life. 2. I personally prefer to not have toys or products with chemicals. I prefer to have as many natural products as possible. If someone gives my son a plastic toy will he not be allowed to have it? No. He can of course have this gift given with love and it’s all good. I’ve given him puffs, plastic toys, and he eats foods that aren’t organic. So, my goal is to avoid these as much as possible but there’s definitely a big grey area.
I don’t think any less of you for buying baby food or giving toys plastic toys. You have your own goals for your parenting style and I hope you can stick to them as much as possible. If you don’t all the time, you tried, kudos.
When all else fails, wing it. Those are the things that I have done, changed, changed again, and will continue to as I see fit for our family. For me, I didn’t have a set schedule before. I never have. I was a go with the flow kinda gal. I then changed our daily routine to a scheduled one because I saw that my son was effected negatively by my lack of planning. I changed my wants for his benefits. If we aren’t home EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT for 8:30 bedtime because we have something going on, it won’t ruin my life but most nights I will follow that routine. He is a happier baby when I can keep him on his routine.
Although I’d like to, I know I can’t control every little thing and get worked up over every days changes. You just gotta wing it and roll with it. Sometimes we gotta surrender to things not going as planned and just laugh it off.
There’s no two set of parents alike. We all have different styles of parenting, communicating, and values for our children.
That’s what makes the world so special, everyones different upbringings, traditions, and story. We can respect each others differences and still stay true to our own beliefs. Don’t be hateful or shaming to how someone else does it.
Don’t compare yourself like you’re not enough, you’re perfect. You’re the best parent ever for your children. Don’t let anyone make you feel differently.
As long as you’re following your heart and gut in regards for what’s right for your own angels then you my friend, are the best parent ever! Remind yourself, you’re one bad ass magical unicorn parent.
My private husband who didn’t want me blogging may not want to be subject of my blogs, the photos on my instagram or become a blogger too. But he now is a Spoiled lover, he reads the messages I receive with positive feed back, sees the relationships with other parents that have been built, the doors that have opened, and he’s proud. He no longer wants me to silence my passion for this journey but instead wants me to continue spreading my happiness, share confessionals that others may be experiencing but are ashamed to say, and pass on useful information or products that someone else may love as much as we do.
I’m glad you’re here reading and I hope that you’re enjoying. My Spoiled Milk Club has grown into more than I expected and I’m grateful. Feel free to message me anytime and say hi, I love getting to know you all! I can’t wait to share more with all of you as I navigate through parenthood. Thank you for being here.
Find joy in all of your journey,