Our husbands went through the grind through motherhood. Sometimes we look at this wrong and want to be so quick to say, I did this! Did YOU have a baby or did I? I..I…I…
I’m not judging. I’ve done it. I’m the queen of saying, my baby. lol.
We dangle something over our husbands heads forever because we were the ones who gave birth to our children.
I know ladies, you’re probably pissed at me right now for saying it. But before you go straight up gangster on me in your mommy hood, just hear me out.
With everything we went through, our husbands did too. Maybe sometimes it was even harder on them than it was for us and for sure harder on them than we know. He was there for it all.
I want to thank my husband for 10 things he did for me in my motherhood journey and I think you should too.
You filled my heart with hope when I felt hopeless. When pregnancy didn’t come as easy as we expected, you reassured me that we would do whatever it took to have a baby. We could try for as long as I wanted to, you would do a series of test for health and do whatever you could to make it better. We would do fertility treatments if need be, we would adopt. Whatever we needed to do, we would have a family. I knew that whatever we had to go through, you were open to and that carried me through times of doubt. A while later, God’s plan came to us naturally and unexpectedly. You gave me a gift that no one else in the whole world could. you gave me our son.
The Team Mate
Every scared moment since the day that test said the word that changed our lives, you’ve coached me. I got nervous, forgetful, sick, tired, confused, and anxious. You always pep talked me through it all. You soothed my nerves, listened better to an overload of doctors information, you nursed me back to health, you told me to put household duties to the side when my body was tired, you explained things to me when I didn’t understand, and calmed me down through anxiety.
I wasn’t always as nice to you as I could have been. I wasn’t always as patient. I wasn’t always as giving. Hormones are a real thing and they are rebellious and cannot be tamed. You dealt with every eye roll, unnecessary arguement, every demand. You took it. You didn’t fight back, you didn’t hurt my feelings, you didn’t say no. You just rolled with it. Not because you were being a wuss but because you understood that it was just part of the journey. You knew it wasn’t “me” talking but my surge of changes going on in my body. You understood me and loved me at times I didn’t understand or love myself.
I think it’s time, I think I’m in labor, I told you. Just like that, you were up and ready. I was nervous I could have been wrong & dragged you to the hospital for nothing. You didn’t mind, you said if I was wrong, we would come back home, no problem. But, I was right and it was “show time”. You usually aren’t good with pain, times of stress, or care taking. You hate hospitals. You found a stomach and strength for the most anticipated day. You put all of your dislikes and fears to the side for me. You stood right beside me for 29 hours, fed me ice chips, wiped my puke, held my hand, and took away my fears. If you had any, I could never tell. You were strong for me when I couldn’t be.
I changed. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. When my body changed and stretch out more than I’ve ever seen it, you always told me I was beautiful. But when you said it, I knew you meant it. I was pregnant through the hot summer and laid in bed with undies and a tank top on when I’m sure that it was the most unattractive thing ever, you lovingly played with me about it when I was in a good mood and didn’t say anything on days you knew I wouldn’t take it well. After everything you witnessed delivering our sweet love and the aftermath, I felt completely vulnerable and stripped down to nothing. I felt humiliated having you see me getting basically a diaper changed by young, beautiful nurses. I didn’t want you to see me breast feed because I felt like an actual animal. I felt like all my “sexy lady parts” were now just damaged goods and horrifying. You didn’t. You thought I was a bad ass. You were amazed with how I kept going when I was basically falling apart. You never commented on the gore, the again changing body, or the sleepy eyes unless it was to tell me how awesome I was.
You’ve always enjoyed us being equals. You told me early on that you always wanted a wife who still worked after children. You loved that we had the same career and we could talk about our work day together. We talked for hours about our industry, the ideas, changes, and challenges. You admired my work ethic, that I held my own financially, and contributed to our dream life. You’ve now taken on the load of work and financial pressure so that I could be home raising our son for now. I know it’s not easy. I know it’s not what we had planned. I don’t talk business as much anymore or challenge each others brains. You come home, talk baby talk with me and you don’t mind. Instead of bringing money home that we used to depend on, you’ve taken on the responsibility solo. I know that every time I purchase something, it’s your work that does it. I value every dollar, every hour you work, and the load you’ve taken on for our family so that I can enjoy this time with my baby.
Man, did you grow. Since the day I’ve met you, you were always the most focused, driven, and responsible man. While everyone was out having fun, you worked in full gear 7 days a week putting every ounce of you towards your career. But when you got out, it was like letting a wild animal out of a cage. You loved being places surrounded by people. You loved your nights out watching sports with friends. After you found out we were expecting, it was a 180 instantly. You turned into the protector, the care taker, the dad. You changed your life for the better in so many ways for the goodness of our family, for your health, and for the reality of our son following in your footsteps. Things you thought you’d never do, you’ve done without hesitation. You were already pretty great but you grew into an even better man.
You’ve made a lot of promises to me in our years together, I can honestly say, you’ve never broken one. Do you know what that’s like to be able to say that about someone? Especially your significant other. You’ve never let me down when it comes to keeping your word. It’s something about you that I admire a lot. Your honesty, your determination, and your word are never questioned. It’s a quality that you don’t even know any other way to be, but it’s rare to find that in someone. I also like that I’m pretty sure anyone who knows you could say that about you. When you tell me that everything is going to be ok and you have things handled, I know it really is ok and everything is handled.
You think about the future. You actually spin your brain over it all the time. You think about your future, my future and our sons. You plan financially for what’s to come. You plan ahead for what may not even come but you want to be prepared. You worry about our son in 15 years. All I think about is taking care of him day to day. You talk to me about the ugly truth there’s a possibility of veering off a straight path and how we could avoid that as best as we can. I told you that you were crazy to already be thinking of things like that, but really I like it. I’m glad you think about it. I’m glad that you actually think about how every parenting decision and our approach with him will all come into play for who he will be and how he will be as a young adult one day.
The person that you are to me is irreplaceable. You’re my partner, my friend, and the father of my child. You’re ours. You’re the man of the house, you’re daddy, you’re my husband. You’re the other half of me. No one could ever take your place. You’re the person who made me stronger, happier, and better. You’re the person who made me a mom. Without you, there would be no him. For that, you’re my favorite person.
Marriage can be tough sometimes. It’s messy. There’s days I actually think that you either hate me or you’re just the most selfish person on the planet because you’re not doing what I’m doing. Why don’t you jump up when he starts to cry? Why didn’t you clean that bottle after you fed him? Why do you have to wait until I ask you to do something for it do be done? Why do you then have to look at me like I’m just nagging? I know those are things that I ask you. And I’m sorry that sometimes I get irritated easily with things like that and point them out.
Maybe the combination of me jumping up when he cries, and you waiting a few minutes will give him a good balance. Maybe he will know that when he needs us we are coming but maybe sometimes he has to be patient and give us a minute because that’s life sometimes.
Maybe instead of asking you why you didn’t clean the bottle after you fed him, I should have just said thank you for feeding him so I could finish what I was doing or take a break. That bottle sitting there dirty wasn’t what was important. It was important that you lovingly held your son in your arms, fed him, burped him, cleaned his milky mouth, and after you did, you wanted to just keep holding him little bit longer.
You wait for me to tell you to do something because that’s how it’s always been. It’s who I met, it’s who I accepted, and it’s how we operate. I do most of the things around the house because I’m the one who gets bothered by those little messes. And when I need your help, I delegate what I want you to help me with. Usually, I end up micromanaging it anyways and nag again about the way you did it. So, I guess it’s not always your fault that you didn’t just jump in.
You never point out what I DIDN’T do. Have you ever noticed that? You may not always say thank you to what I have done which can be a little annoying but I’m sure there’s things I do that annoy you, but you don’t zone in and pick them apart. You only give me words of affirmation, compliments, and praise.
You’re the warm and loving presence in our lives. You’re the calm to my chaos. The gentle to my toughness. I hope our son takes after you when it comes to the very carefree, low-key, mellow, even tempered personality that you have. To have our son grow up and be like his daddy, would be a true blessing and would make me extremely proud.
Incase I haven’t told you enough, thank you for who you are and everything you do. We love you.
Find Joy in all of your Journey,
Leanne, spoiled milk club